True love can seem elusive at times. I have had many conversations with people of all ages about the difficulty in finding “the right one”. How do you know? Where do you find them? What is the most important thing to look for? What if I thought I found them, but I just don’t feel the same anymore?
Here’s a quote I came across from a current young celebrity on finding love:
“…when I picture the person I want to end up with, I don’t think about what their career is, or what they look like. I picture the feeling I get when I’m with them.”
I suppose at first glance this is a very sweet thing to say. I agree…looks aren’t everything and how much money a person makes does not make the man (or woman). But I got stuck on the “I picture the feeling I get when I’m with them” part. Unfortunately, I think this is one of the gravest mistakes made in love. Focusing on the feeling you get from a person is the worst gauge for love you could ever choose! Feelings are just that…feelings! They are changeable. They are dependent on circumstances and fleeting whims. Feelings come and go. Sometimes I feel like going to the gym, and sometimes I don’t. When I choose based on my feelings, I pay for it later. Sometimes I don’t feel like getting up in the morning, but because I love my kids I choose to act on what I know is right rather than what I feel like doing at the moment. Could you imagine a world in which we all just acted on what we felt in the moment? Even in the best of relationships feelings can have ups and downs.
True love is unconditional love. Real love that will last through hard times and the ebb and flow of our “feelings” comes from daily choices to put the other person before yourself. This kind of love looks beyond what is and believes for what can be. That kind of love continues to love even in the moments when our feelings don’t want to agree.
The person who loves through feelings only is going to find themselves disappointed and lonely.